What to Say to Mother of Handicapped Baby
20 Things Every Parent of Kids with Special Needs Should Hear
By Dr. Darla Clayton, PsyD, The Mobility Resource
1) You lot are not alone.
In that location may non be anyone else with the same constellation of symptoms as your child but in that location are people with like challenges. Find those people. I accept never met anyone with all of these same challenges as my kid simply I have a strong network within each split diagnosis. We have made wonderful friends and accept found—and I hope provided—a great deal of support within each of these. I just have to popular onto ane of my Facebook groups and I'k immediately reminded, I'grand non alone.
2) Y'all besides deserve to be cared for.
We are placed in a position of caring for others nearly constantly. However, you nevertheless demand and deserve to be cared for. That entails request friends or family unit to bring a meal by every at present and then, or going for a pedicure, or a date night, or whatever else y'all enjoy doing. Whatsoever makes you experience special and taken intendance of, take the time to enjoy information technology, you lot are worth it!
3) You lot aren't perfect—and that'southward ok!
No one is perfect. Nosotros all make mistakes. We tin can wallow in our goof-ups or move on! Try to shift your thinking, perchance in that location was a good reason you missed that appointment, that you were certain was on Tuesday only apparently was on Monday. Maybe your kiddo had a tough day at school and but needed the night off. Who knows? Merely beating yourself up isn't going to alter the situation, so endeavor to move on.
4) Yous are a superhero.
You may non leap buildings in a single bound or run faster than a speeding bullet just you are a superhero none the less. Everyday, you manage situations that a regular parent would think are incommunicable. You stretch tight muscles, remember pills, inject and infuse medicine. You hold hysterical children during horrendous medical procedures. You deal with tantrums and melt downs. And most often manage not to take a tantrum or melt down yourself. You encourage your kid to practice things doctors told you they would never do simply you never gave up hope. You lot are a therapist, nurse, doctor, friend and confidante. You are no regular parent.
five) Therapy is play.
Having sat in on several therapy sessions, I take been frustrated by what I idea was premature discharge from therapy on more than ane occasion. Since then, I have grown, I have learned and I take come to sympathise. For children, therapy is play and play is therapy. What I mean is that the best therapists find ways to make my son engage in challenging activities that he otherwise would have balked at, past making information technology a game that he wanted to play. We took a folio from their book and did the same at habitation.
6) Play is therapy.
Aye this is different from number 5. After discharge from therapy, we sought extra curricular activities for my son that would offer therapeutic benefits. He played sled hockey, runs on a runway team, learned to shoot archery and takes swim lessons. All of this is therapy. He's learning, having fun and getting stronger. Win, Win and Win!
seven) Brand time to enjoy your kids
We super parents tend to be fairly busy and ofttimes over scheduled. Yet, while everything on your calendar is important, it's also of import to brand time to play, laugh, be giddy and only savour your kids. Read to them, snuggle with them, engage with them with what's important in their worlds. Make memories outside of hospital walls.
8) You will be obligated to brand heart wrenching decisions.
You will take to make painful decisions that hurt your eye and leave you questioning everything you idea you knew or understood. Know that you are doing your best, remember number three. I am guilty of agonizing over these types of decisions, they can become actually overwhelming to me. Talk nearly your puzzler with others who get it and trust yourself to make the all-time decision. Make it motility on and one time it's made don't rethink it. Easier said than done, just worth a try!
ix) You won't e'er get information technology right.
Many of the choices you are forced to brand have no right answer, but the bottom of the hard and painful wrong choices. You volition exercise your best merely you won't always get it right no matter how many sleepless nights you lot spend disturbing over how to handle a situation.
10) Forgive yourself.
Yes, you lot will screw things upwards sometimes despite the very all-time of intentions. No corporeality of torturing yourself will make you feel better, nor will it aid you to make meliorate choices. Remember many of the toughest decisions have no correct answer.
See also: seven Confessions of a Special Needs Mom
11) Being a parent is hard. Existence a parent to a kid with extra needs is extra hard.
It can also exist extra rewarding. Make u.s. extra passionate. And will well-nigh always make life actress interesting. With the challenges come the rewards. Sometimes y'all accept to search your heart for the rewards only they are there if yous await for them.
12) Parenting a child with extra needs is like a marathon.
For those folks who are trying to win a marathon, there are no breaks. If y'all want to stay in the race, you eat, drink and fifty-fifty pee while running. But our marathon volition keep for the foreseeable future and beyond. Then recollect, you don't need to win, just make it to the terminate. The guy who comes in last place in the marathon, he took breaks, he stood and drank some water, grabbed a quick bite and used the porta-john for his concern, then got back on the road. Give yourself those moments—however brief—that are for yourself. Goodness, yous might even get to pee in peace every now and then.
13) Don't lose yourself.
Don't allow being the parent of a special needs kid create or reshape your identity. We are many things, beingness the parent to a child with special needs is part of our identity. Simply it shouldn't exist all of our identity. When you focus all of your life, all of your contacts, all of yourself around your child and their needs, who y'all are can get lost. Find things in your life you savor doing, a drinking glass of wine, a hobby, shopping for yourself.
14) Keep your sense of humour.
Sure things go under my skin, we all have our fizz bug, one of mine is people offset language. Just if you're not careful, you lot tin can become overly sensitive to and so many things that people start to avoid your company. Many colloquialisms similar "I nigh had a stroke", or "I nearly had a eye attack" are disconcerting to parents whose children have in fact had a heart attack or a stroke. However try to remember that people are not making these comments to offend or upset yous.
xv) Gloat the petty things!
Brag about those accomplishments that might seem pocket-sized to others only are huge for our kids! Our kids develop on their own clock, they learn many skills late and some they never chief. A wiggled toe that couldn't wiggle before, a give-and-take, a sentence, a smile, a hug, whatever that milestone may be, share it with those who beloved you and your child.
sixteen) Don't let typical parents get y'all down.
I know how hard it is to hear from parents that their kid half dozen months younger than yours is walking and yours isn't. Or dealing with the well significant stranger who asks why your 2-yr-old is scooting effectually on their butt rather than being upwardly on their feet. Try to retrieve that these people lack the context that we are constantly embedded in. Explain, teach, be patient, raise awareness amongst those who just don't go it. And remember, typical parents deserve the right to brag also and their pride at their child's accomplishments is non meant every bit a knock to your amazing kiddo.
17) Don't compare.
This is another challenging one folks, but worth the work. All kids are different, typical, or with extra challenges and they volition grow and develop at their own footstep. If a developmental milestone isn't met as y'all retrieve it should be, certainly talk to your kid'due south physician. Comparison, siblings, cousins, kids in the daycare class, or even comparing kids inside the same disability type rarely serves to make you lot feel better. Your kid is unique, and volition have their own private strengths and challenges.
eighteen) You don't have to be "THAT" parent.
You know the 1 who clearly spent ten hours creating the astonishing snack shaped like an creature with licorice whiskers. The one who sends ambrosial care for bags for every holiday. The one who finds the coolest gifts for the teachers every year. And whose child is always dressed in the cutest outfits that somehow never get dingy. If that's the mom you are led to be, more ability to y'all! Even so, I accept found that at that place are always enough of those mom's in my kid's classes to keep them in cute snacks and treat numberless. Since I take bigger fish to fry, I permit them take all the glory!
19) Make time for your spousal relationship.
Matrimony is difficult work, period. Parenting is hard piece of work, period. Parenting a child with special needs, is especially difficult work, period! For those of you who are married or in a human relationship, make time for that relationship away from your children.
Encounter besides: The Barracuda Momma: Celebrating Mom's Gift of Cede
xx) Trust your instincts.
You know your children best. Doctors, teachers, therapists are all fantastic resource but if you don't feel like y'all're being heard, or your child'southward needs are being met, information technology'south very reasonable to get a second opinion. Don't be afraid to fight for your kid and their needs. While the professionals are experts in their areas, you are the expert on your child.
Answering to Mom, Mama and Mommy, Dr. Darla Clayton is a Coach and psychologist too. She earned a doctorate in clinical psychology from Indiana University of Pennsylvania. She is a wife and a female parent to two fantastic children, a 9-year-onetime son who has cerebral palsy and a 5-year-quondam daughter.
Inspired past her son'southward success competing in adaptive sports, and concerned by the lack of sport options available to him, she founded Strong as Steel Adaptive Sports in 2011. The team provides sport specific training and opportunities for children ages v to 21 with concrete disabilities and visual impairments. Disclaimer: Dr. Darla writes from the perspective of a mom in the midst of raising a kid with a disability and one without. While she works as a psychologist in her other life, she would like to make it clear that she is in no way intending to offer medical or mental wellness communication through this venue.
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Source: https://www.abilities.com/community/parents-20things.html
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